Photo: Lance Nicoll

At Over The Moon, we given a lot of thought to how one can be the best-dressed wedding guest. But, beyond fashion, there's an entire art to being a well-behaved wedding guest, and it's a process that usually begins well before the wedding itself. We turned to the planners and photographers from the Over The Moon Directory and asked them to sound off on the do's on don'ts of being a good guest. Follow these rules to ensure your every couple's favorite attendee.

What Are Approriate Next Steps After Receiving A Save The Date?

"A save the date is more than a placeholder," Becca Atchison of Rebecca Rose Events explains. "It’s an invitation to begin preparations to attend the celebration." That's right! You've made the cut, and you are on the guest list. But what can you do to set you apart from everyone else?

First, tell the couple that you received their save the date. With ever-changing postal system practices, they'll surely appreciate hearing that the envelope made it to you in one piece. From there, let them know—if possible—the status of your RSVP, especially if you already know you cannot go. "This gives them the opportunity to extend an invitation to a guest who may not have made the A-list like yourself," Keri Ketterer Walter of Always Yours Events explains.

If your RSVP is a yes, then peruse the wedding website very closely. "Couples spend an enormous amount of time curating their wedding website with thoughtful details: travel, transportation, attire inspiration, weekend events, and FAQs," Elizabeth Slossberg of EKS Events says. "Taking a few moments to review it thoroughly is one of the easiest ways to be a considerate guest."

Lastly, Lauryn Prattes of Lauryn Prattes Events suggests that if you anticipate any address change between this very moment and the wedding, you should inform the couple now and share the details with them. That way they can update your information to ensure you receive the invitation.

When Should You Get a Gift for The Couple?

"The sooner, the better!" Mylene and Geoffrey of White Eden Weddings confess. Lauryn Prattes notes, though, that "sending a gift upon receipt of the save the date can be viewed as more of an engagement gift rather than the wedding gift." Of course, an engagement present is always an extremely thoughtful gesture and one that the couple is sure to love, especially as they begin planning their wedding.

"'Traditional etiquette' allows up to a year after the wedding, but in practice, if the couple is registered, it’s lovely to select your gift before then," Elizabeth Slossberg shares. Regardless, planners generally recommend you refrain from bringing your gift to the wedding. "This ensures it won't be lost, damaged, or stolen on the big day," Julian Leaver of Julian Leaver Events explains. Furthermore, it's one less thing the newlyweds have to worry about during the wedding weekend.

What Should You Gift The Couple?

"If the couple has created a registry, we recommend selecting from it, as that honors their preferences, needs, and wishes most, and is not only the safest route, but also the most considerate," Becca Atchison shares.

There are three key gifting "events" in the lead up to the wedding, and the dream wedding guest is sure to send something for any event they attend. Lauryn Prattes explains each occasion and the gifting protocol associated with it: "The engagement: Gifts aren't fully necessary, and often, the couple does not have a registry at this point, so something small and thoughtful to celebrate them is perfect. For the shower: Stick to the registry, and occasionally the theme if there is one. The wedding: This is the most substantial gift, a larger registry item or a donation to a cash fund is most appreciated."

Is It Okay to Go Off-Registry?

Top wedding planners very cautiously say, "Yes." Here's why:

Planner Beth Helmstetter summarized the registry as a tool "to make it easy for the guests to give something the couple will love." So, yes, you can find a meaningful gift elsewhere, but, she notes, it has "been curated with the couple’s preferences in mind."

If you purchase a gift that is not from the couple's registry, you must know the couple very well. "If the couple took the time to put together their registry, it is more thoughtful and respectful to choose something from their registry." Mylene and Geoffrey concede.

"If you do go off the registry, provide a gift receipt," Lauryn Prattes implores. "Just in case they already have what you selected." Similarly, Keri Ketterer Walter mentions, "If you really would prefer to go off-registry, consider a consumable luxury such as a special bottle of vintage wine from a winery they frequent, or a donation in their name to a foundation or charity that is deeply important to the couple."

But overall, Elizabeth Slossberg says, "If you’re looking for inspiration, Over The Moon offers the best and most beautiful suggestions and elevated gifting. I love their ideas for something special for the person that has everything!"

How Often Should You Reach Out to The Couple Before The Wedding?

For major milestone moments, it is always nice to reach out to the couple and share in the joy. "They are so happy and excited about the wedding day and love talking about it!" Tara Guérard confesses. Let the couple know you're also thrilled. For example, after opening the wedding invitation, the dream guest might reach out via text complimenting the stationery suite.

While it is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to reach out to the couple with words of affirmation and positivity, asking the couple questions about the wedding itself or logistics is not. "If you do need to go directly to the couple, do your best to not add undo stress and keep it light," Layne Povey of Lynden Lane Co. advises. Do not ask for favors, the itinerary, or any information that is easily accessible on the wedding website. "A guest should absolutely not stress out the couple with general and excessive questions about travel, hotels, what to do, where to go, and more," Diana Sourensen of Sugokuii Events clarifies.

Can You Ever Wear White, Black, or Red to a Wedding?

Now that wedding date is looming, it's time to choose what to wear. But be warned—certain wedding guest dress colors carry a stigma, unless requested by the couple themselves.

"White is absolutely off-limits; you don't want to take any eyes off the bride. Avoid off-white, cream, gold, or anything that could be mistaken for bridal," Julian Leaver urges. "Black is generally acceptable for formal evening weddings but may feel somber for daytime or beach celebrations, check the vibe."

"I’m not opposed to guests wearing red; however, more subdued tones of red are better than 'fire engine' red which can look very harsh in wedding photos," Rosemary Hattenbach of Rosemary Events shares. Also, be aware of any weddings, where the rouge shade is culturally attributed to a bride.

Photographer Valorie Darling advises that you dress thoughtfully and within the aesthetic of the wedding. "This translates the most beautifully in photographs," she notes. This kind of cohesion and consideration is exactly what the couple wants to see in their wedding album!

How Early Should You Arrive at The Ceremony?

"Arriving 15-30 minutes before the time stated on the invitation is ideal. That will allow you a bit of buffer time to take your seat before the procession begins," Rosemary Hattenbach shares.

Elizabeth Slossberg adds, "And if transportation is provided, use it. This ensures timing runs smoothly and avoids unnecessary parking hassles, and no drinking and driving after the celebration."

But let's say you don't get there within the ideal window. Then what? "If you arrive once the ceremony has begun, ideally wait to enter until the ceremony has concluded unless you can truly enter without causing a disruption," Keri Ketterer Walter notes. "And whatever you do, do not walk in during the processional."

How Should You Act During The Ceremony?

The dream wedding guest remains in their seats, keeps their phone off, and stays out of the photographer's way. "Our biggest frustration is when a guest steps into the aisle during the ceremony or lifts a phone exactly at the moment vows or rings are exchanged. It is not just about blocking a shot. It changes the emotional atmosphere," photographer David Bastianoni of David Bastianoni Studio says.

This goes for most of the photo-worthy moments of the entire wedding. Photographer Rebecca Yale weighs in, noting, "I know the desire to get the shot yourself is strong, but during family group photos if there are multiple cameras, eyeballs will be everywhere! Many family photos have been ruined by this." Ultimately, trust that the photographers are taking better photos than you are on your phone. Let the professionals get the shot!

How Should You Act at The Reception?

"The most exceptional wedding guests show up ready to be present and immerse themselves into the celebration with the couple," Keri Ketterer Walter explains. "They follow directions gracefully, celebrate enthusiastically, and leave the couple feeling surrounded by love."

When it comes to the open bar, tread lightly. "Maintain your composure and don’t allow yourself to be over-served," Becca Atchison says. "A wedding celebration should be fun, joyful, and full of energy, but there’s nothing celebratory about alcohol poisoning or bad behavior that pulls focus from the couple."

Above all, the dream wedding guest is having an wonderful time. "Enjoying yourself makes any host happy," Tara Guérard adds. "And, makes the wedding planner happy, too!"

And when the end of the night nears, the dream wedding guest takes all of their belongings with them. They most certainly do not leave things behind for the venue staff and wedding planners to retrieve for them.

Can You Use Your Phone at Weddings?

Top vendors were split on how and when phones should be used, but they all feel strongly about phones not being whipped out during the cereomy. "It ruins the professional photos, and it fundamentally changes the experience of witnessing the ceremony when you watch it through a tiny screen," photographer Rebecca Yale contends.

That said, when it's time for dancing later in the night, most vendors agree it's generally fine, if used sparingly, and almost unavoidable these days. "The best photos of guests come from when guests are engaged with one another and present and enjoying the environment, drinks, and adding to the mood," photographer Lauren Fair notes. "Take your photos, then put your phone away rather than sitting staring at it!"

"Just don't watch a football game on your phone," Tara Guérard pleads. "Please!"

When Can You Leave The Wedding?

"You can generally leave after dinner, speeches, and cake cutting without it being rude, though staying through the first dance shows extra support," Julian Leaver states. "For close friends or family, staying longer is appreciated. You don't need to formally say goodbye to the couple during the reception as they're busy hosting."

While some planners advocated for an Irish or—depending on who you ask, a French Exit, not everyone felt like an under-the-radar exit is best. "Say goodbye to the hosts giving the party!" Tara Guérard insists. "Always!"

What Do You Do After The Wedding?

The dream wedding guest knows their duties aren't over when the wedding is. Send some kind of thank you to the hosts afterwards that articulates how great the event was and how grateful you were to be included. "A quick note of appreciation the next day is best," Lauryn Prattes shares.

One of the photography team members behind Stetten Wilson wisely cited another excellent post-wedding tip. "If you take content over the wedding weekend, make sure to share it with the couple over Airdrop or cull it and send a shared gallery link with the couple in the days to follow," Skylar Stetten suggests. Reviewing your shots might be a fun honeymoon activity for the newlyweds and an opportunity for them to relive it all before their professional images come in.